Derby

Today my desk is the Derby Travelodge. My room is a slightly nauseating mix of orange, fleshy salmon and a cream that has gone black in places above the wall heater. The sheets are perfect white unlike the toilet pan. The rest is large and spartan and smells of old knickers. It’s also not on any map nor satnav and there was nowhere open for tea on our arrival at midnight so I had cheese and onion crisps and J had a packet of maltesers from the vending machine at reception. But luckily my room is next to the car park so I’m able to hear when every inmate leaves.

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Wednesday September 8th, 2010. Uncategorized. 1 comment.

Day Three – Superfreakonomics

I have the perfect desk today – my sofa.

Tuesday June 22nd, 2010. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Day Two – Superfreakonomics

I am now in a v comfy chair in a v vulgar hotel in Liverpool. We’re staying in the Beatles themed Hard Day’s Night hotel. The first room I was in was on the fifth floor, was like an oven as the air con had broken down and had a deeply disturbing painting of a straining Paul McCartney – serious haemorrhoid-making straining, stuck on the wall above the bed. I’m now in a first floor twin that has windows you can open, a broken TV and a v bad pencil drawing of a young George H with and young George M. Truly hideous.

Monday June 21st, 2010. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Day One – Superfreakonomics

My desk tonight is the biggest double bed you ever did see in a hotel room bigger than my bedroom and sitting room put together and the walk in shower is almost as big as my spare room. Who’d’ve thought Birmingham could be so classy? I have, however, lost a filling today to a piece of dried peach and I might have just lost half the most divine risotto down the hole left behind. So just Birmingham being classy then…

Sunday June 20th, 2010. Uncategorized. 1 comment.

Day Ninety One

Today My Desk will now go on a bijou hiatus. Normal service will resume shortly. I thank you.

Saturday May 1st, 2010. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Day Ninety

Today My Desk has been brought to you by:

Heathrow Airport, UK (weak bladder)
Fitzroy, Melbourne, VIC (Lucy and Ade and Ron Mueck)
Launceston, Tasmania (inconsiderate Swedes)
Cradle Mountain, Tas (wedding crashing)
Ross, Tas (second oldest bridge and porn for the elderly)
Hobart, Tas (Bad Manners, bad aftershave and the Highway to Hell) Mt Field/Mt Wellington, Tas (enormous trees, kangeroo testicles and pademelons) Wineglass Bay, Tas (coronary)
Port Arthur, Tas (film school lesson)
St Helens/Binalong, Tas (too much information and saddle sore) Launceston, Tas (deodorant as air freshener)
Strahan, Tas (too many chips and Stephen King)
Queenstown, Tas (lovely librarian)
Stanley, Tas (resisting The Nut)
Penguin, Tas (because why wouldn’t you)
Launceston, Tas (classical music in the public toilet)
Perth, WA (manky humid hostel)
Kalbarri, WA (vertigo and Swiss)
Denham, WA (no. 4, no. 5, squidding, redbacks, cocks and Pippin) Monkey Mia, WA (sandalwood and a good night’s sleep)
Francois Peron National Park, WA (42*, reef sharks, rays and a leach) Coral Bay, WA (strip jenga and overpriced fish)
Exmouth, WA (The Potshot, bad choice pedicure)
Cape Range National Park, WA (awkward Danish moment)
Karijini National Park, WA (a black and blue arse but luckily not mine) Port Hedland, WA (amazing salt mines)
Paradoo Cattle Station, WA (swags and bogans and grasshopper retinues) Broome, WA (pearls, empty coke cans, camels and sweat)
Darwin, NT (crocodiles, car parks and novelty t shirts)
Litchfield National Park, NT (severe lack of jumping crocodiles) Kakadu National Park, NT (throwing a strop)
The Ghan (unlockable toilet door)
Katherine, NT (I told you so, Rogue)
Alice Springs, NT (bed bugs and Magnum PI rolling in a Stetson) Uluru/Kata Tjuta, NT (dingo ate my biby)
Kings Canyon, NT (Priscilla’s Gap, pigmy koalas, thorny devils and campfire swags) Brisbane, QL (vertigo and mangroves)
Byron Bay, NSW (insane)
Newcastle, NSW (stinky and yet beautiful)
Oakville, NSW (Murray, Eliza, Lilly, Baxter, Pinky, Rocket, Panda, Noodle, two more and top tucker!)
Sydney, NSW (Germans Germans everywhere, Macbeth, rice and veggies, jewellery and vertigo again!) Palm Beach, NSW (you know we belong together)
Prahran, Melbourne, VIC (hairy showers, lovely staff)
The Grampians, VIC (cold, beautiful, dense end of the world fog and banging disco tunes) Williamstown, VIC (swings, possums and ice cream)

And by the films:

Bran Nue Day – Launceston
The Wolfman – Hobart
Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief – Esperance
Shutter Island – Perth
Alice in Wonderland – Broome
Shutter Island – Broome
How To Train Your Dragon – Darwin
Clash of the Titans – Alice
Kick Ass – Brisbane
Micmacs – Sydney
Big Wednesday/The Endless Summer II – St Kilda

And by the songs:

I Got A Feeling – Black Eyed Peas
Under the Milky Way Tonight – The Church

And by the letter N and by the number 2.

Off to the airport now.

Friday April 30th, 2010. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Day Eighty Eight

Finally I’ve met a man who sounds like Rolf Harris. All breathy and teeth smacking.

It is well King Bill today. Am on my way to a hike in the Grampians and when we stopped for breakfast I had to nip to the op shop and by a hat. I am now cutting a swathe with my navy blue San Francisco 49s beanie.

Wednesday April 28th, 2010. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Day Eighty Four

Today my desk is the brown sandy shore of Palm Beach AKA Summer Bay, home to the legend that is Alf “Flaming Galah” Stewart and his Home and Away co stars. After my Ramsey Street pilgrimage in 2006, I thought it only fair to go Bay. Unfortunately, there was no filming this arvo but there was a buff man who only wore very tight, skimpy black speedos and who jogged towards me for rather a long time as I walked along the beach, so I wasn’t too disappointed.

Saturday April 24th, 2010. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Day Eighty Three

Ran from my hostel in Kings Cross through the botanical gardens to the Opera House and back again this morning. The only person going slower than me was the man wearing a full face bandage and a soft neck brace. And then there was the 112 step climb back to Victoria Street right at the end. Am building my strength back up with dates and special needs toast with peanut butter and cheese for breakfast. The hostel have provided free eggs for borders so there is a bit of a funky hum everywhere which I can only think will get worse once they are digested.

Thursday April 22nd, 2010. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Day Seventy Eight

The Germans are getting rowdy again and it’s only breakfast.

Sunday April 18th, 2010. Uncategorized. 1 comment.

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